We've all had moments in our lives where we are faced with a choice that is life-changing. Often times, these moments involve some degree of risk-taking. Many of us often marinate over the pros and cons of the choices that we make and hope that what we choose is the best option for us and the situation at hand. Many people believe that every move that we make has already been laid out for us by a higher power (whatever word that you have for it is totally your own!) and it's kind of comforting to think about it that way. That no matter what choice you make, in the end God is already there, helping you get to your next stepping stone. But we're only human, we're not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and we tend to compensate for our short-comings, imperfections and idiosyncrasies. But what most of us don't realize is that it's those imperfections that draw us closer together...or at least, that's the way it should be. This doesn't start in us as adults but as infants, from the day we're born. We are assigned colors based on our genders; girls - pink, boys - blue. From that moment, we are assigned into our roles and with those roles comes great expectations on how we're supposed to act, carry ourselves and even how we express our feelings.
It wouldn't be America if we didn't categorize everything, I mean, that's what we do after all. But why? We all know the negative effects of this phenomena, this wrapping up certain groups of people in a box and tying a bow around it to make it seem pretty but in actuality, it's a big mess that's created. Above I stated about how males and females express things differently, so let's start there. I'll start with males, as I have personal experience in this area.
Our problems with vulnerability start way before we're even born. Biologically speaking, female is the default gender, so males are susceptible to a whole host of problems, contracting certain birth defects and physical deformities more so than our female counterparts. After we're born, there's a whole host of problems that we have to contend with. Because of the lower estrogen-levels in our bodies, we're more likely to have issues that affect our immune systems as well as our brains, given that our immune system is packed with estrogen and counteracts the antioxidant process. Turning away from our physical ailments for a minute, emotionally, we are totally screwed up and we can thank American family values and just social roles in general. Vulnerability for men can be summed up in one sentence - Do not be viewed as weak. That's us emotionally in six words. From the moment we're born, we're taught that it's not ok to show our weaknesses in any aspect of our lives. If we do, people might view us differently than we actually are. We play sports that show the toughness of our gender, men are responsible for most of the violence in this country as well as around the world and the list goes on and on. A lot of this isn't really our fault, it's just how we're wired, but the disadvantage of all this for us is that we never really get to connect with others the way women do. Let me explain this in detail: Vulnerability studies have shown us that the more vulnerable we are with each other, the more we tend to connect better with other people. But if you are totally shut off to showing your true feelings, how do you ever fully connect with someone? Take baby steps, of course. Rome wasn't built in a day:)
I've always loved observing people wherever I am. Since taking psychology courses in college and figuring out how humans operate on a solitary basis as well in a group there's definitely a lot to be said for the way men and women size each other up and just how hurtful these methods are.
Let's start with the ladies. Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor. Since the dawn of time, women have always been guided to look their prettiest, sexiest and alluring to men but in modern day planet Earth, women;s attitudes towards each other and their appearance have reached new lows of shaming.
I was training a client about two weeks ago and our conversation as we were working out turned to body shaming. Now this individual is somewhat taller than the average woman and she stated that the teasing growing up about it definitely weighed on her, which is totally understandable...I've had my own struggles with my height or lack thereof as a man but I'll get into that later. Deeper into our discussion, I mentioned that women are relentless when body-shaming themselves as well as each other! They tend to go for the jugular, emotional shame, which on my opinion, is the worst type of shame! With emotions, any kind of emotions, you rarely see them coming at you unless you are anticipating them, especially if you're on the receiving end of them. Sadly, body-shaming in general terms has weaved its way into American culture anymore. People will just say anything with no discretion! Walking the floors of the gym I hear it almost daily, "Did you see what she's wearing?!" or "OMG, I'm so fat!", among others. Taking jabs at not only ourselves but others who are in the gym making an effort is not only bad of one's character, it's also tiresome and possibly hiding deeper rooted issues. Girls are primed from a very young age that they need to look pretty, wear make-up, dress sexy to get attention. If they don't do these things, well, in the eyes of the public majority, they are seen as 'less than'. We need to abandon this rhetoric and fast. We've created a plastic world where people now hold themselves to standards so ridiculously high, it's virtually impossible to reach them. Women, you are beautiful, no matter what body type you have! Stop comparing yourself to the models on instagram and facebook because 90% of the time, those photos are fake or airbrushed. Being your authentic self and radiating a positive self-image is far more attractive in the long-run. Create a circle of friends that build each other up, not knock each other down.
Alright guys, it's our turn. First of, if you don't think men body shame each other, you are dead wrong....we are just more direct in some ways. From basically the time we're born, we boys are guided into masculine areas....sports, risk-taking activities that show strength and as we grow up, for most of us exercise and working out comes into the picture. The gym has become a breeding ground for men's ego's to come out onto center stage and compete for their own version of 'survival of the fittest' or 'who is the biggest rooster in the barn". I get it and ask any guys and they'll get it to, this is just how we're wired. The issue starts when the flexing and grunting metamorphoses into something on a whole other level. Testosterone is a crazy hormone and when we're around other guys in the gym, we size each other up. A recent study concluded that 71% of men are unhappy with some part of their looks and that more men are going through with plastic surgery and other means of getting the 'perfect body'. These means are often dangerous and life-threatening as well as stupid to be perfectly frank. You hear about athletes pumping themselves full of steroid and PED's (Performance-Enhancing Drugs) all the time to increase their game but there are serious side effects that accompany using those kinds of substances. All steroids and PED's come with a price and the risk is certainly too high of one to pay. I remember one time I was getting together with my best buddy after not seeing him in a while. We met up, hugged it out and the next thing he does is poke my stomach and said "What's going on here?" I laughed it off but in retrospect, it made me cringe inside a little. My stomach wasn't that big to begin with but I had been brainwashed into thinking "I need to have abs dammit!" These days for me, being healthy tops the aesthetics and vanity of working out, they are just side benefits. One thing though that men do a little more of that women tend not to do is encourage gains in the gym, on the field or in the pool. I think that's one thing that we do get right a little bit more and embrace the brotherhood of teamwork as many of us have played sports or been on teams in our past. I know for me that I always perform better working out in a group of with someone than alone. It just feels good knowing that you are going through it alongside someone else.
We now in the US have support groups for body shaming and motivational seminars, books, etc. All of this support because people have decided that putting people down is what matters instead of helping support them? Shameful! No one of us is getting out of here alive. Your looks will fade no matter how much surgery that you have or how much make up you plaster on your face. A lot of women say that men with scars are sexy. I tend to agree because it shows they have flaws about their body but t
hey really aren't phased by them. Flaws and scars are what make you unique and special. It's what makes you YOU. I wouldn't be John without walking with a limp or having scars on my face from a car accident back in college. Do they define and consume my thoughts? No, of course not. I actually laugh when I trip over my left foot, which has a natural drop in it. I trip over it a million times a day but I see it as a constant joke these days. And if I didn't have it, i wouldn't be me.
It wouldn't be America if we didn't categorize everything, I mean, that's what we do after all. But why? We all know the negative effects of this phenomena, this wrapping up certain groups of people in a box and tying a bow around it to make it seem pretty but in actuality, it's a big mess that's created. Above I stated about how males and females express things differently, so let's start there. I'll start with males, as I have personal experience in this area.
Our problems with vulnerability start way before we're even born. Biologically speaking, female is the default gender, so males are susceptible to a whole host of problems, contracting certain birth defects and physical deformities more so than our female counterparts. After we're born, there's a whole host of problems that we have to contend with. Because of the lower estrogen-levels in our bodies, we're more likely to have issues that affect our immune systems as well as our brains, given that our immune system is packed with estrogen and counteracts the antioxidant process. Turning away from our physical ailments for a minute, emotionally, we are totally screwed up and we can thank American family values and just social roles in general. Vulnerability for men can be summed up in one sentence - Do not be viewed as weak. That's us emotionally in six words. From the moment we're born, we're taught that it's not ok to show our weaknesses in any aspect of our lives. If we do, people might view us differently than we actually are. We play sports that show the toughness of our gender, men are responsible for most of the violence in this country as well as around the world and the list goes on and on. A lot of this isn't really our fault, it's just how we're wired, but the disadvantage of all this for us is that we never really get to connect with others the way women do. Let me explain this in detail: Vulnerability studies have shown us that the more vulnerable we are with each other, the more we tend to connect better with other people. But if you are totally shut off to showing your true feelings, how do you ever fully connect with someone? Take baby steps, of course. Rome wasn't built in a day:)
I've always loved observing people wherever I am. Since taking psychology courses in college and figuring out how humans operate on a solitary basis as well in a group there's definitely a lot to be said for the way men and women size each other up and just how hurtful these methods are.
Let's start with the ladies. Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor. Since the dawn of time, women have always been guided to look their prettiest, sexiest and alluring to men but in modern day planet Earth, women;s attitudes towards each other and their appearance have reached new lows of shaming. I was training a client about two weeks ago and our conversation as we were working out turned to body shaming. Now this individual is somewhat taller than the average woman and she stated that the teasing growing up about it definitely weighed on her, which is totally understandable...I've had my own struggles with my height or lack thereof as a man but I'll get into that later. Deeper into our discussion, I mentioned that women are relentless when body-shaming themselves as well as each other! They tend to go for the jugular, emotional shame, which on my opinion, is the worst type of shame! With emotions, any kind of emotions, you rarely see them coming at you unless you are anticipating them, especially if you're on the receiving end of them. Sadly, body-shaming in general terms has weaved its way into American culture anymore. People will just say anything with no discretion! Walking the floors of the gym I hear it almost daily, "Did you see what she's wearing?!" or "OMG, I'm so fat!", among others. Taking jabs at not only ourselves but others who are in the gym making an effort is not only bad of one's character, it's also tiresome and possibly hiding deeper rooted issues. Girls are primed from a very young age that they need to look pretty, wear make-up, dress sexy to get attention. If they don't do these things, well, in the eyes of the public majority, they are seen as 'less than'. We need to abandon this rhetoric and fast. We've created a plastic world where people now hold themselves to standards so ridiculously high, it's virtually impossible to reach them. Women, you are beautiful, no matter what body type you have! Stop comparing yourself to the models on instagram and facebook because 90% of the time, those photos are fake or airbrushed. Being your authentic self and radiating a positive self-image is far more attractive in the long-run. Create a circle of friends that build each other up, not knock each other down.
Alright guys, it's our turn. First of, if you don't think men body shame each other, you are dead wrong....we are just more direct in some ways. From basically the time we're born, we boys are guided into masculine areas....sports, risk-taking activities that show strength and as we grow up, for most of us exercise and working out comes into the picture. The gym has become a breeding ground for men's ego's to come out onto center stage and compete for their own version of 'survival of the fittest' or 'who is the biggest rooster in the barn". I get it and ask any guys and they'll get it to, this is just how we're wired. The issue starts when the flexing and grunting metamorphoses into something on a whole other level. Testosterone is a crazy hormone and when we're around other guys in the gym, we size each other up. A recent study concluded that 71% of men are unhappy with some part of their looks and that more men are going through with plastic surgery and other means of getting the 'perfect body'. These means are often dangerous and life-threatening as well as stupid to be perfectly frank. You hear about athletes pumping themselves full of steroid and PED's (Performance-Enhancing Drugs) all the time to increase their game but there are serious side effects that accompany using those kinds of substances. All steroids and PED's come with a price and the risk is certainly too high of one to pay. I remember one time I was getting together with my best buddy after not seeing him in a while. We met up, hugged it out and the next thing he does is poke my stomach and said "What's going on here?" I laughed it off but in retrospect, it made me cringe inside a little. My stomach wasn't that big to begin with but I had been brainwashed into thinking "I need to have abs dammit!" These days for me, being healthy tops the aesthetics and vanity of working out, they are just side benefits. One thing though that men do a little more of that women tend not to do is encourage gains in the gym, on the field or in the pool. I think that's one thing that we do get right a little bit more and embrace the brotherhood of teamwork as many of us have played sports or been on teams in our past. I know for me that I always perform better working out in a group of with someone than alone. It just feels good knowing that you are going through it alongside someone else.We now in the US have support groups for body shaming and motivational seminars, books, etc. All of this support because people have decided that putting people down is what matters instead of helping support them? Shameful! No one of us is getting out of here alive. Your looks will fade no matter how much surgery that you have or how much make up you plaster on your face. A lot of women say that men with scars are sexy. I tend to agree because it shows they have flaws about their body but t
hey really aren't phased by them. Flaws and scars are what make you unique and special. It's what makes you YOU. I wouldn't be John without walking with a limp or having scars on my face from a car accident back in college. Do they define and consume my thoughts? No, of course not. I actually laugh when I trip over my left foot, which has a natural drop in it. I trip over it a million times a day but I see it as a constant joke these days. And if I didn't have it, i wouldn't be me.
So embrace all the things that you are and pray on the things that you wish to become. But just know that you are perfect. Just the way you are.
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