Did you ever find yourself going down a road in your life that you thought was never going to end? Or did you ever think that THAT road was the right one to be on? I've found myself in that place lately. The Reader's Digest version is this: I've been in college for twelve years and I'm tired of walking the same path and going through the motions. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels due to the fact that I'm really not getting anything out of my schooling right now other than stress of having to study on top of working full-time and trying to fit in going to the gym to de-stress among the other things that I have/want to do. I certainly am not the first and definitely not the last person in the world to be faced with this dilemma. Now, I am slowly trying to reconfigure my goals, my dreams and passions to accommodate, well, MY LIFE!
What sparked this 'change of direction' was an email I received from the Dean of Physical Therapy at CCAC last week. It basically said that because I work full time, it would be next to impossible to complete the program, due to the clinical piece that I would need to complete. I had already suspected that before I sent the initial email but I thought, it can't hurt just to ask anyway. So, now I'm trying to find a way that I can still utilize the credits that I've earned towards some sort of degree. It would be a shame to have put in all the work and not get anything out of it. It's just so frustrating but I'm trying to look at this in a positive light....maybe this was meant to be this way. Maybe I was supposed to hit this roadblock because it will put me in alignment for better things to come, God, I hope so. I haven't had anything REALLY good happen to me in quite some time, so this would be a blessing:) It's not that I'm not happy with my life and the path that it has taken up to this point, but the standards that I've set for myself are high, which I think most people's are and I don't like to settle for much. I'm always looking and searching for the next brass ring to grab onto that will catapult me into the next big thing. In today's professional world, you can't get a great career without the know-how and connections. Through the past decade, I've gained a lot of skills in many areas, some you can't gain in a classroom but from life experience. The sucky thing is that for most reputable jobs in the US, you need and advanced degree of some sort. Not receiving a degree from Penn State is something that I will always regret but the five years I did spend there taught me a lot about what I can and can't handle, academically speaking. Most people don't realize that I don't have a PSU degree, they just automatically assume that since I attended there, I must have a degree. This tells you not to automatically assume anything in life, even when you think it's a sure thing.
Comparing yourself to other people is never a good thing to do and I constantly do. Everyday. Focusing on the things I think people have that I don't. Or the successes other people have that I don't. It hurts, I'm not gonna lie. I was thinking last night, it's not right that I'm counselor to almost everybody else, but who is there for me when I need to talk to someone, outside of my family anyways? It's not that I don't enjoy helping people in anyway I can, I'm just saying that it's tiring and sometimes a huge cross to bear. I think with my personal history of overcoming obstacles most haven't had to, I have a chip on my shoulder and something to prove to the world. And it's true, I feel that I need to constantly prove to people that I am capable and able to be very versatile when it comes to doing things and performing tasks with the utmost intelligence. I'm very hard on myself too. I hate messing things up, no matter how small the error may be. I just want to be able to be that go-to person when things go haywire and save the day. But that usually doesn't happen because there is always someone else who has more experience and they get the job done quicker and more efficient than I do. I know other people feel this way, but I feel alone in this area and that no one understands or cares.
What would I like to do? I'll let you know when I grow up, which I really don't want to do, figuratively anyways. I know that I need to work with people and I'd like to help them get better and stay that way. Whether it's by education, fitness or some combination of the two, I really feel these two areas are some strengths that I have. Who really knows what they want to do, 100%? Some people go their entire lives and don't know. So what do we do? We force young college students to make up their minds in two short years and decide on a major. It really doesn't make any sense if you think about it. Unless you are extremely focused and know what you want out of life, it's a HUGE question mark.
In closing, thank you to all who read this for allowing me to vent some frustrations. Writing is truly a great stress reliever for me as is hitting the gym, which I also did tonight with a great friend of mine. I know I'll get my turn to shine, I just hope it's sooner than later!!!!
What sparked this 'change of direction' was an email I received from the Dean of Physical Therapy at CCAC last week. It basically said that because I work full time, it would be next to impossible to complete the program, due to the clinical piece that I would need to complete. I had already suspected that before I sent the initial email but I thought, it can't hurt just to ask anyway. So, now I'm trying to find a way that I can still utilize the credits that I've earned towards some sort of degree. It would be a shame to have put in all the work and not get anything out of it. It's just so frustrating but I'm trying to look at this in a positive light....maybe this was meant to be this way. Maybe I was supposed to hit this roadblock because it will put me in alignment for better things to come, God, I hope so. I haven't had anything REALLY good happen to me in quite some time, so this would be a blessing:) It's not that I'm not happy with my life and the path that it has taken up to this point, but the standards that I've set for myself are high, which I think most people's are and I don't like to settle for much. I'm always looking and searching for the next brass ring to grab onto that will catapult me into the next big thing. In today's professional world, you can't get a great career without the know-how and connections. Through the past decade, I've gained a lot of skills in many areas, some you can't gain in a classroom but from life experience. The sucky thing is that for most reputable jobs in the US, you need and advanced degree of some sort. Not receiving a degree from Penn State is something that I will always regret but the five years I did spend there taught me a lot about what I can and can't handle, academically speaking. Most people don't realize that I don't have a PSU degree, they just automatically assume that since I attended there, I must have a degree. This tells you not to automatically assume anything in life, even when you think it's a sure thing.
Comparing yourself to other people is never a good thing to do and I constantly do. Everyday. Focusing on the things I think people have that I don't. Or the successes other people have that I don't. It hurts, I'm not gonna lie. I was thinking last night, it's not right that I'm counselor to almost everybody else, but who is there for me when I need to talk to someone, outside of my family anyways? It's not that I don't enjoy helping people in anyway I can, I'm just saying that it's tiring and sometimes a huge cross to bear. I think with my personal history of overcoming obstacles most haven't had to, I have a chip on my shoulder and something to prove to the world. And it's true, I feel that I need to constantly prove to people that I am capable and able to be very versatile when it comes to doing things and performing tasks with the utmost intelligence. I'm very hard on myself too. I hate messing things up, no matter how small the error may be. I just want to be able to be that go-to person when things go haywire and save the day. But that usually doesn't happen because there is always someone else who has more experience and they get the job done quicker and more efficient than I do. I know other people feel this way, but I feel alone in this area and that no one understands or cares.
What would I like to do? I'll let you know when I grow up, which I really don't want to do, figuratively anyways. I know that I need to work with people and I'd like to help them get better and stay that way. Whether it's by education, fitness or some combination of the two, I really feel these two areas are some strengths that I have. Who really knows what they want to do, 100%? Some people go their entire lives and don't know. So what do we do? We force young college students to make up their minds in two short years and decide on a major. It really doesn't make any sense if you think about it. Unless you are extremely focused and know what you want out of life, it's a HUGE question mark.
In closing, thank you to all who read this for allowing me to vent some frustrations. Writing is truly a great stress reliever for me as is hitting the gym, which I also did tonight with a great friend of mine. I know I'll get my turn to shine, I just hope it's sooner than later!!!!
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