The Dash: How are you spending yours?

               We've all been to cemeteries at least once in our lives.  Rows and rows of marked stones signifying lived that were lived by our loved ones or they can be grim reminders of our own eternal demise, depending on how your look at it.  Engraved on the headstones under the person's name are usually their date of birth, a dash in between and their date of death.  To most people, that single dash is nothing more than a punctuation mark in the English language, but to a person who has a more humble, appreciative and broadened outlook on life and knows just how precious it can be, that dash represents the good and bad times.  Friends made and relationships held dear.  Opportunities seized and challenges met.  It may be just a simple dash to you, but to some it holds more weight than you may realize.  And some see it more than just a punctuation mark etched in polished stone.

               This blog entry was actually inspired by a poem, appropriately titled, "The Dash Poem" by Linda Ellis.  The poem begins with a man standing at the pulpit at a funeral for a friend, ready to give her eulogy.  He started the eulogy by referring to the dates on her tombstone from beginning to end.  He pointed her birth date first and then the date that carried a multitude of sadness, her death date.  But he spoke of the most important thing being the dash in between the two dates and what it represents.  The dash represents the time that each of us spend here on earth and when that final day comes, only the people left behind to mourn the passing of that loved one, know the levity and substance of that single line.  What is it that is most important to you in your life?  How do you want to be remembered as a human being?  Most of us probably want to be remembered as decent, civilized people who lived out their days on earth with a purpose.  Catapulting themselves into charity, delving into the arts or discovering a passion of sorts.  It's hard to know what life has in store for any of us.  One day is totally different from the last sometimes and life can throw some huge curve balls into the mix, skewing your whole plan and changing it to deal with whatever has been dealt to you.  Sometimes this can be bad, but if you are an optimist, you can make light of the situation and turn it into a great thing.  In the poem, Ellis poses a question to the reader, "Are there things that you wish to change?"  Of course, who doesn't want to change a tiny aspect of their lives to make the outcome a completely different one?  Even though we don't know how much time any of us has on Earth, there's time in the present NOW to make rearrangements and adjustments to our lives' to get the most out of our existence.

              Slowing down, especially in this day and age isn't especially easy for a lot of people.  We've all heard the add-age to 'stop and smell the roses'.  To drink in the simplistic things in life and live as freely as possible.  Now, I'm not going to try and force religion on anyone, but the bible does include about 20 scriptures on being humble, for example, in Psalm 149:4 it says 

 'For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation.'

                    In my personal experience, the more 'stuff' people have, the more problems are created for that person and maybe the people surrounding them as well.  I'm not saying that you should get rid of everything that you own, join a nudist camp and that be the end of it, lol.  Far from it.  But there are a ton of things that people don't need to hold onto because the lasting effects from whatever it is the have are toxic to their lives.  Learn from your past definitely.  It's the best way to be prepared for the future, as stated by Theodore Roosevelt.  But holding onto to toxic friendships that bring you down as a person, or objects that have negative feeling associated with them, should be freed from your soul.  It's just not healthy.  Your mental & emotional health are just as, if not in some cases more important than your physical health.    The hard part for most people in their daily lives is finding that comfortable balance between the three.  I've recently let go of some people that I had considered friends and held onto the belief that they would come around if I gave them time, but to no avail, they didn't.  So I made the decision a few weeks ago to let them go from my life.  Yeah, it was definitely a hard decision to make, but one that needed to be done.  The older I've gotten, the more I'm finding out that acquaintances come and go but true friends are their for life.  I'm so lucky that I have a few people like that in my life, and it's my hopes that if you are reading this, you have people like that in your life.  Let them know that, tell them every chance you get.  I never let a friend leave my presence until I hug them and say I love you.  Yeah, it sounds corny but oh well.  Love is probably one of the few things in life that there's an unlimited amount of, so why not spread it around to everyone you meet?  It's contagious, so pass it on.

                   Back to what your legacy and what you want it to be?  To you want to be known as a person who didn't take risks?  Be it in your career, relationships etc.?  This ripe old country of ours is so hung on being politically correct anymore it's sickening.  I have friends who happen to be gay but are afraid to come out because it's against their religion or their parents and family will disown them.  Look, most of us know by now that being gay is no more of a choice than choosing to be male or female.  I understand that yes, it is a hard step for individuals to make on the whole issue of coming out to people in their lives but why live your life as an unauthentic version of yourself?  Take a risk, tell the truth.  The people that love you will be there no matter what, trust me;)  Taking risks should be an everyday practice for people, pushing the limits on issues and taking stances for the things that we believe in should be done in non-violent ways daily.  You have this one life, it's your chance to be validated.  Don't be afraid, whatever you situation may be.  Here's an exercise for your mind you might want to try:  Think ahead to your funeral (Unsettling yes, but everybody has the same last page), and the eulogy that's given.  What do you want to be said about you and the life that you had lived?  How do you want you dash to be looked upon?  And are you living your dash while you're alive?  If you're not, now is the time.  Make the change.  Your life will change in ways that you can't imagine.  I promise you!

The Dash Poem by Linda Ellis


I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?