I Scream. You Scream. We all Scream for....Validation????

In life, there is a lot of things that we would like to have for ourselves.  A nice car, a big house, lots of people to share things with.  But one of the things that inadvertently we want is one of the things that most difficult to get from others....validation and confirmation that whatever it is you are going through at the moment or the choices that you make are the right ones.  In this work-a-day world, filled with people who go through their day, with a very ego-centric mindset, care very much about how they can get ahead and concentrate on getting all their ducks in a row, spend very little to no time concerning themselves with those around them.  And why should they, right?  I mean, why put your own problems and issues on the back burner to listen to somebody else and lend a hand?  There are people everywhere, the last time I checked the Population Clock, the Earth has about 7 BILLION people walking on it.  Think about that for a moment.  We have 7 billion people living on this planet and in your lifetime you will only interact with a very small fraction of that number.  With this smorgasbord of people, you're apt to find that tolerance and acceptance as well as trust are a fleeting reminder of the work that still needs done with our human race.  In the United States these days, we are reminded daily of the social norms that take place.....people don't listen to each other because we're too invested in ourselves and agendas to be bothered by another person's insignificant problems.  What if it was you asking, no, begging to be heard by someone? 

For myself, validation is a very important thing to have.  I always want to feel like I'm doing a great job with whatever it is I'm doing at the time.  Picture if you will that little boy who wants to show his parents and everyone around him that he does everything right and if he messes up, he tries until he corrects the problem.  I hate messing up just like anybody else.  Usually if I'm performing a task with a large group of people, I often pay attention to those that I'm working with very closely for non-verbal or verbal confirmation that I'm doing okay.  It's not that I don't trust myself, I just want to feel good knowing that at the end of the day, I can rest knowing that I did my level best.  In my world, I come dead last usually and I'm okay with that to an extent.  When I was younger and in college, I never put myself first, I was too busy helping people with their issues while mine took a vacation to nowheresville.  I was so invested in other people that if I think about it now, in retrospect, I must have been very miserable with myself.  Fighting a never-ending war with pleasing other people and pacifying my own ego and disassociating my own wants and needs because either I didn't want to deal with them or they weren't that important.  Now that I'm a little older and hopefully a little wiser, at the ripe age of almost 31 (AAAH!), I've come to realize that it's okay to be there for others but always show up for yourself.  I think that in the last few years, I've opened up to my friends a lot about a lot of issues that I'm interested in or concerning to myself.  I've also become more spiritual in my thinking as well.  If you would've told me 8 years ago that around the age of 30 I would be reading books by Buddhist monks, spiritual teachers and health & fitness pro's, I'd tell you that you were crazy and to go back to the little cardboard box underneath the non-existent bridge that you crawled out from.  But time charges on and so do I.  At this stage in the game, I've been finding a much needed balance between what's important and what's not.  Yes, I still value and believe in people but I've brought some much needed importance on the things in my life that need a look at and improving upon as well.  According to Iyanla Vanzandt, thinking about yourself and your needs isn't self-ISH, it's self-FULL. Dealing with yourself is like dealing with a child, you have to pick your battles.  Some things you can identify and correct but others you just have to let it roll and find out the answers as they come.

I have a few friends in my life right now who are seeking validation in one form or another.  I'm very happy with the friends and acquaintances that I have in my life and have tried to surround myself with some positive and uplifting individuals that bring out the best in me as well as their selves.  I think it's important to remind yourself why these people are in your life from time to time and take a moment to tell those people that you care about just how important that they are to you.  I think everyone should do that and maybe the world would be a much better place.  Life is all about the journey....not so much the destination.  The process, not the product.  As humans, we are ever-growing, changing and evolving creatures.  For as long as the Earth has been spinning, people have been co-existing with each other.  But if I asked you how much you really knew about one of your friends, how much do you know?  When they talk to you, are you listening or going through the motions and nodding and picking up on a few random words and phrases?  Be present in each moment of your life instead of just showing up for things.  When someone wants to let you in on their problems, don't just listen, take notes in your brain!  The power of friendship grows stronger when you let that person into your heart and mind 110%; 100% of the time.  My best friend Matt and I know pretty much there is to know about one another because there is a trust and respect between us that let's our inhibitions take a back seat to allow us to open up to each other.  Matt is a real good listener, but aide from listening, he gives sound and sage advice also.  Even though I'm the older one, I feel that sometimes he gives better advice than I do, even though from a outsiders perspective, I've been through a lot more and have a lot more to draw on given my own timeline.  It's true what they say about age being just a number!  I also have another friend whose name is also Matt who is also a year younger than me.  Both Matt's are married and in different places in their life than I but they still make time for the people that matter the most.  I never had a brother growing up, and thank God for my sister Lori, who keeps me being the supportive and strong brother for her and her family but my friend Joe is probably about the closest thing to a little brother that I can imagine.  Joe and I have a relationship defined by the 'Bro Code'.  We have a little bromance going on (termed by friends of ours), go on bro dates, etc.  There's nothing odd about it at least to us, lol, and in today's world, it's actually pretty common.  Joe and I share things with each other, give on another advice on things and just have a good time together.  And for that, I am grateful:)  When I was a kid, I really didn't have that many friends that I knew a lot about other than the usual facts or have somebody I could talk to about stuff.  So now as an adult, I cherish the relationships that I've made with people as well as the ones that I've held close for many, many years.


Back to being validated, isn't that what we all strive for?  Of course it is, you just want it without knowing that you do.  It's innate.  Built-in to our DNA so deep that we just do it without thinking about it.  Were you validated today by someone?