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Something happened in my life today that got me to thinking about the past decade of hard-work, studying, bitching to people about how hard my life is without rewards that for some people, come so easy. I had a job interview for my first-ever Personal Training position at a holistic health and wellness clinic in the city of Pittsburgh. I met with a woman named Tracey who was a licensed Massage Therapist and Pain-Trigger Point Specialist. I don't think I have ever had a job interview that was so relaxed which was welcoming. She welcomed me in one of the rooms in the clinic, we both sat down on a big, comfy couch and proceeded to go through the interview. During previous interviews in my life, I usually am asked the run of the mill questions...."What experience can you bring to our company? What's your philosophy on teaching and education?", etc. These questions were a little bit different...."Have you ever trained kids, athletes, seniors? What do you do for exercise and fitness? What do you think people should pay for your services?!!" Definitely not what I saw expecting, at least some of it anyways. At the end of the hour long interview, which was more like a meeting with a friend to talk about health and fitness, I never really was told whether I had the job or not, so I decided to ask...."So do I have the job?" "It's yours if you want to take on the challenge!" I think this moment is the beginning of a brand new chapter in my life and I am so ready to start writing in the pages of this book of my life. 
The title of this blog entry is from an old saying in the South. There are a few different ways to interpret this saying but the way I understand this to be conveyed is a social rule that underpins respect and civil society. It's about keeping your word, doing unto others as you would be done by, and playing the hand you are dealt. I think on my life up to this point. The hurt, the pain, the angst....we all go through some pretty messed up stuff and nobody really knows why. Growing up, I always did what everybody asked of me, gave respect where it was due, basically, I was raised right. When I went through my illness, I didn't know what weight that would place not only on my physical being but my emotional self as well. Social Workers and people working in mental health are familiar with the term 'dissociation'. Basically, what this is where a person consciously or unconsciously detaches themselves from a painful memory from some trauma they experienced. A funny thing about this in people is that the feelings usually come back to haunt you some years or decades later and they hit you like a freight train. After being sick, as a kid you don't think about the effect it will have on you later in life or how that experience will guide you. Not realizing that I could've died or been really f'ed up for life, I just went on living and the older I got, the more physical aches and pains followed that I learned to ignore or deal with in my own way. When I graduated college is when I felt a shift happen in my emotional state. I didn't feel like I was measuring up with my age-appropriate peers, physically that is. I had pain, they didn't....my buddies had height and muscles and I really didn't, I was average and I didn't like it. Eventually, I learned that if I was going to change that I had to take the bull by the horns and do it. It wasn't going to come for free and certainly not overnight. Up until about a month ago, I had been living with nerve pain and discomfort for about twenty years. As luck or interventions of a Divine nature commanded, I sought out a doctor that basically gave me my life back and after 2 weeks of daily shots, no more nerve pain! If I hadn't pursued out this problem a few months back. I don't think I would have as much energy as I do right now:)
Another thing that applies to the 'dance' adage in the title is my Personal Training journey, both personal and professionally speaking. Starting personally my junior year in college, I knew very little as to what carbs and fats did for the body, the anatomy, what origins and insertions were, etc. And if you would've asked me then as to what is happening in my life right now, I would tell you to go take some really strong meds to calm you down and desensitize you. But now as I take this next step in my life, it all makes perfect sense as to why I had to go through what I went through because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have the almost perfect life I have right now, with the most important people in it. After studying for YEARS through different certification programs and to no avail with passing the cert. exams, I finally found a school that takes the time to give you the tools you need to make your career in PT a success. I also believe that I had to fail to truly open my eyes to a vast worldview of opportunity awaiting me in the future. It's like when Dorothy puts on the ruby slippers in the Wizard of Oz and starts down the yellow brick road, she doesn't know where she's going but is determined to get there, no matter what stands in her way.
So this adage that I've been bringing up, how do I apply it to my life? Well....I did not learn about compassion and creativity, drive and perseverance by studying about them, I learned about these things by getting knocked down and having the courage to get back up, brush off the dust from being in the arena and telling all those critics where they could go to, the biggest of those was me. Some may say I am brave and maybe I am but I prefer courageous and let me tell you why. From the Latin, 'cor', meaning 'heart', the original definition of courage was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Everything that means something valuable to me I try to put my heart and soul into it and rightfully so. In just a few short years, my whole outlook on life has changed from being depressed about how the cards I were dealt really weren't nothing to write home about to turning into something that has a real potential to change lives for the better as well as my own. I try also to live as authentically as possible now. I've learned throughout this process that the more I was willing to let my walls down, show people who I really am, the more receptive people were and open to hearing my story. I have the courage to live an imperfect life because in the imperfections is where we learn to appreciate ourselves and take the armor that binds us day in and day out off.
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