So,
I wasn’t going to write anything about this because I usually don't write anything about politics but I feel that I must, not just
for me to vent and express my personal anguish but hopefully someone will read
this and think, “Wow. So that’s how it
feels.” First and foremost, I am a gay
man. If you didn’t know that well, surprise….
if you did know that, doesn’t really change that much about me, right? In light of the tragic and utterly horrific
events in Orlando that took place this past weekend, I’ve felt threatened on a
personal level unlike anything that I’ve ever felt before. I’ve always been a person that looks on the
bright side of things. Even in times of
tragedy and devastation, I try and look for the glass half full because at the
end of the day, what does worrying get you other than wrinkles and undo stress
that cripples you. But last night, I had
posted an article by a gay man who was rather upset and angry about everything
that happened this weekend and how we (The gay community) still gets heat from
a lot of people, just for being who we are.
So after I posted the article, a few hours later, I got a comment from
somebody. I kindly answered back with my
opinion and somebody else gave their opinion too. Well, for the first poster this wasn’t it for
them. So for about a good five minutes,
the first and second poster, whom I know both very well, went at it. Needless to say, the very last comment was
directed back at me and was really, kind of harsh. I deleted the thread and went off to bed.
All
day today I’ve been thinking about what conspired last night and where the
angry words were coming from in the mind of this person. I like to think I’m a pretty likable person
and a decent human being who tries to help as many people as I can from day to
day. In all actuality, all day I’ve felt
like there has been some sort of dark shadow, gripping around me causing
anxiety, not a lot of it but just enough to make me feel something. Once I got home from work around three o’clock,
I had called my mother just to check in and see how her day was going. She reminded me of something when I was
talking to her about this issue that I have pretty much known for a long time
but had just forgotten. That when people
freak out about issues like homosexuality, etc., it’s usually because they have
something within themselves that they need to come to terms with. And it’s because they haven’t, they tend to
act out. And from this acting out that's when you get what happened in Orlando on Sunday. It's tragic, disheartening and shouldn't happen...ever.
I
came out when I was 28 years old and let me tell you, I was petrified as to how
my friends and family were going to react.
I thought that I was going to lose a good many people that I knew and
have to start over with few people to help me.
What I found out during the process and in retrospect was that telling
my truth to people and not living the ‘forced’ lie that I told everyone for
many, many years was liberating and gave me ownership of the life that I wanted
and needed to have for myself. And in
the years that followed, things have gotten A LOT better for me. Sure, I’ve had some down times, it’s life and
you can’t avoid having to go through shit.
What did change for me was that I was able to be really REAL with
people. I started dating and it’s like
the universe said, “Here you go! This is
what we’ve wanted for you all along!” I’ve
never had an adverse or sour reaction to my coming out to anyone, which is a
testament to the friends I keep and the family that I have. People accepted me with open arms and even now just thinking about it, I tend to get a little chocked up because when I was growing up, all I wanted was to be accepted by people. But alas, I felt somewhat different from other people. The older I got, the more agitated I became with living a lie and now at 34, I can honestly say that I'm living in my truth and telling my story wholeheartedly.
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| The GAY Closet. |
So
about my two above friends and why I brought it up in the first place? Well, firstly, if somebody who is NOT gay
tries to make an argument with me about how this whole issue should be handled,
well, Imma’ not gonna let you finish (Like my Kanye reference there, lol)
because with all due respect, you have no idea what it’s like to live life as a
gay man. We basically are the best liars
and secret-holders you’ll ever meet…not because we want to but because this is
what society tells us to do. This is
what we are conditioned to do because for some stupid reason, a lot of folks
around the world think that living this way is wrong and I’m here to tell you
that YOU are wrong. Yes, YOU. Everyone has the right to live their life the
way they see fit and even if you don’t agree with it, at least have the common
decency to show some modicum of respect.
I’ve spent too many years lying and denying to myself what the truth of
my life was and like I told my best girlfriend Erika, on a totally different
topic mind you but it’s fitting I use it now, “I spent more than half of my
life trying to come out of the closet so I don’t need shoved back in!” And as for the second friend in my opening
story, I received a text from her this morning that said that a friend of hers
lost four friends in Orlando this past weekend’s horrific event. And she said it just made her think of me and
others in the community around our area and how it would feel if we suddenly we
gone and she just wanted to tell me that she loved me. I really hope for the future of the LGBT
community and for the rest of the world for that matter, put your egos and
agendas aside, lay down your proverbial swords and actually do some
constructive law making to help save people’s lives. We’ve lost so many lives in the past few
years due to not acting based on our personal and political convictions. I know it’s cliché to say but what’s it
really going to take for people to really start examining this stuff in-depth
and make a change in the right direction.
As
for us gays…. this of it this way, we are your sons, daughters, fathers,
mothers, brothers and sisters. Do you
really want us to go away because really, we add that little touch of
class. And you don’t want that to go
anywhere!!
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