The first few weeks of 2020 have been as hectic as I imagined they would be. From the everyday headaches at work, having dental surgery two weeks ago and just the monotony of the everyday is enough to make anyone crazy. I always like to check-in with myself when things get a little crazy and distorted to do a little perspective redirection and I highly suggest you do it too!
So, what is Perspective Checking anyways??
Well for me it basically is my time to bring myself back into focus. To clear away the cobwebs and start fresh. We've all heard the saying, "check yourself before you wreck yourself", right?? It's kind of like that. To do this in a lasting and effective way, I usually have to be in a reflective and almost meditative headspace. After I finally clam my thoughts enough, I think about the situations in the past week, month, etc. that stand out to me as either toxic, having lasting negative effects or something that I've neglected to work through that I really need to address with myself. Processing some things may take a little longer or shorter, depending on how much psychological energy I need to devote to it. The process I go through when I really start looking at a problem is quite simplistic and easy. I usually start by asking myself, "Why did/do I let this affect me so much?" or "What could I have done differently to produce more positive results?" Whatever the issue, I always try and make the focus on making things better for the people or situations involved. For a guy with social anxiety, this process is extremely cathartic, calming and necessary.
Over the years, I put ALOT of energy into trying not to let anyone down or being the cause of someone or something suffering because of my actions or lack thereof. It's a heavy burden to place on oneself because nobody is that organized and put together. We're human and we're flawed. If we weren't, there wouldn't be much point to life and not that much to learn and to take in everyday. My awesome and terrific friend, Erika, who I've had as a guest on my podcast (A Thread In The Tapestry) in November of last year introduced me to perspective checking when I was dating my ex-boyfriend. Being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic was difficult enough without feeling like I was at fault for most things, which I know now that I wasn't. She taught me to assign some responsibility to the ways I was treating myself and my problems. When my relationship ended after three years, the practice of perspective checking, self-love and self-care had found their way into my daily practices.My job as a certified personal trainer and fitness manager definitely has moments where I have had to take some time to step back, observe and 'check myself before I wreck myself'. Also, trying to help others see that their 'problems' really aren't all that serious as they tend to make them out to be is a skill that I perform remarkably well for clients. I've had people literally sit across from me at my desk and cry, not just a tear but a full-on bawl. This right here is the stigma that modern society has on our always-working brains....."Am I thin enough? "I'm so fat." "That dude has got bigger arms than me." The list of negatives goes on and on. Being a personal trainer, a good one, requires a person to be extremely adaptable to each person's own idiosyncrasies, mental state as well as their physical one and helping to provide the best place to help them achieve their goals. My whole adult life has taken this trend of people opening up to me, for various reasons, and it's a job that I take very seriously. All people want and NEED is to be validated by someone who cares enough to just listen. It's sad that in these modern times, where we have evolved so much, that's how much that we haven't and in the sharing emotions and feeling department, we have tons of work to accomplish, especially men.
Bro, I get it. We've been mentally conditioned from the day that we're born and given a blue blanket that we have to fit in this imaginary box of 'Weakness = Not Manly'. For us more open-minded people, we know this is a bunch of bull. Let me tell you something on a personal level: the day I came out was the day that those stereotypes and walls shattered for me. I knew that if I wanted to be 100% honest with myself and others that I was going to have to be vulnerable and open to constructive criticism about the way I went through life as a gay man.
You know what I realized though?
One....people really do not give that much mind to your personal relationships, just as long as you're happy with your choices because at the end of the day, it's your life and YOU have to live it for yourself. Two.....the more I opened up about my fears of coming out and was more vulnerable the better and more at ease that not only I felt but I think my friend's were as well because like I said before, those walls had been shattered. Being out for 12 years now (How time flies!!!!) I haven't experienced not one negative comment about my being gay. I love that the older I'm becoming, the more accepted it has become in society. And it should be. I don't look at being gay as a curse anymore, I see it as my gift to humanity because I've been through so much in my life that I can draws on to help other people in crises and need.
Sure, 2020 so far has been cray-cray but I wouldn't change one minute so far because I know and realize that at the end of the day I'm right where I need to be and do what I'm doing in life. Hopefully one day I'll be able to share with the entire world my compassionate and energetic nature. At times like these, I'm reminded on that old hymn.....It Is Well with my Soul. Because everything's going to be alright, no matter how bad things are, this too shall pass. If you need toreach out and talk to someone, do it. You may be surprised at the result it brings.
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