Blessed
be those who are grateful…..
The
picture to your left is me, almost 22 years ago. The kid in this picture doesn't know what his
life is going to turn out to be, what trials and tests lie ahead of him or how
long it will be before he is even able to know if he’ll ever walk on his own. There were times that I felt sorry for
myself, as most people in my situation do, asking themselves, “What do I do
now? How am I going to have a life? Am I going to have to be a burden to others
forever?” At ten years old, you can’t
really comprehend being faced with this kind of reality and take it that
seriously. I mean c’mon, one minute I
was playing outside with my friends and the next I was paralyzed. But as luck would have it I bounced back and
like a Phoenix, I arose from the ashes a brand-spanking new person. But this blog isn't about me or what I went
through. This entry is about what we
receive as ‘payment’ for whatever it is that we go through. We all go through trials and tribulations in
our lives to help us to gain some sort of grasp on things and help us gain
control and see the bigger picture.
Eventually, when you get to the end of your problem at hand, there is
usually some sort of emotional gain that you receive from having gone through
what you had to and usually it makes us a better, more put-together human
being. Most of us would say that we are
‘blessed’ in some form.
The
funny thing about blessings is that they are usually disguised and we don’t see
them right away and there are those that don’t take the time to find them at
all. If you would have told me 10 years
ago, when I was in college at Penn State that 10 years from now I would ooze
positivity, be working where I currently am working, taking classes to become
certified as a Personal Trainer and have the friends I have…I would’ve had you
committed. College was a roller coaster
ride of ups and downs for me for many reasons as is with a lot of people. College is a time to experiment, push boundaries
and explore whatever it is that you THINK you might want to pursue as a life
path and passion. Although I knew
primarily what I wanted to do, I hadn’t really thought about all the work
involved, how long it was going to take, etc.
I was just focused on graduating and getting a job like most college
students. I realize now that everything
I had to go through, all the classes that I took and the people I interacted
with led me to where I am at right at this moment in my timeline. If I hadn’t gone through all that I did, in
the exact order that it happened, my life probably would look a lot different
right now. We all get depressed in
college, I don’t care if you deny it or not.
You get down on yourself when things aren’t going the way you planned
them to and that’s basically where I was during that time. I talked to a lot of people about what I
thought I should do; the degree I should pursue, etc. Nothing ever seemed to ‘fit’ me exactly the
way I wanted it to. I was scattered to
say the least. Defeated after five long
years of trying, I left Penn State with NO degree….a decision that I regret to
this day. But there’s beauty in the
breaking here but I didn’t see it until years later. Two years after leaving PSU, I went back to
CCAC to pursue an Associate’s Degree in Social Work which I was awarded in
2007. Shortly after being in a job that
was in the Social Work field, I decided it really wasn’t my cup of tea. To make a long story short, I now work with
students who really do have a reason to complain but they don’t. This brings me to the point of all of this:
however well-planned out you have your life, something always comes into play
that you haven’t thought about that shakes things up. It may not necessarily be bad or wrong, it’s
just something you hadn't thought about or accommodated to fit in your nice,
neat little box.
 |
| My friends: Nick, Paulo, Sam, Andy & Tom |
Now back to the topic
at hand, blessings. We all have them but
few people actually take the time to count their own personal life blessings
and what they SHOULD be thankful
for. How about the simplest one? You’re breathing, right? There’s one!
When I hear the words “I’m Blessed” there’s a few people who immediately
come to mind because they say this phrase from time to time. Probably because they recognize the fact that
they are in a word, blessed. Nobody’s
life is ever perfect and it shouldn't be either. My friends who are Personal Trainers are good
at keeping this in check. Anything that
ever means anything to you never comes easy, but at the end of that journey,
you are so much more appreciative and full of accomplishment; you probably wouldn't feel half as good if you hadn't worked as hard, fought the battles
that you had to and went to some pretty dark places inside yourself to find the
brave person that you are. If you read
some of my previous entries, you've heard me talk about how to be a great
trainer, you have to empathize with your clients and a lot of their problems are
relatable in some ways to your own craziness.
My friends Tom, Nick, Andy, Paulo and Sam are great motivators and they
also appreciate what their clients give them as well. Each of them exudes qualities to others that
show they are grateful for the jobs they hold and the lives they lead by
displaying their candor, humbleness and just awesome personalities. These
guys do not even know the degree to how much they've helped and inspired me to
be a better version of myself and find a sense of peace on a whole new
level. Another friend of mine, Anna
wrote on her Facebook status just this evening about appreciating what God has
given you because there are people out there who wish they had a taste of what
you have. I know that I wallow in
self-pity from time to time as most do, perseverating on what I don’t have as
opposed to what I do have and the people in their lives I have to share it
with. This mentality is so self-defeating;
it’s sickening to think about. The
energy you spend on feeling sorry for yourself, you could be putting into
figuring things out in your own life to make some sort of sense of all the
crazy going on. I do understand why
people have self-defeating behaviors though.
It’s like when we get hurt; we put a Band-Aid over the scratch to let it
heal or when an animal licks a wound….it soothes and comforts us from the pain
and anguish as well as distracts ourselves from the emotions that swim beneath
the surface, such as anger, fear, etc. One
of the quotes I use from time to time is ‘Ain’t nobody nowhere is living’ no
dream life’ and it’s true, no one isn't; they’re just good actors. We’d all like to think that we have a handle
on all aspects of ourselves 24/7 but we don’t.
We weren't built with that capacity to have all our ducks in a row 100%
of the time; you are going to screw up at some point, you are only human after
all. There’s an article by Marc Chernoff
called 50 Ways
to Waste A Life where he outlines his personal 50 points about how
self-defeating ways can lead to a life of misery and despair, not only for you
but for those associated with you. Because
when you suck, those around you notice and if they’re not careful, some of your
‘suckiness’ will rub off on you. A bad
mood or anything along those lines is like a disease, not caring who it infects
but once one person has it, it catches onto to another person and another,
until you wind up with a whole bunch of depressed individuals around you.
Whether its relationship issues, work
problems or you feel your life is falling apart at the seams, remember that
someone out there is going through the exact same thing as you or worse. It may sound cliché when you think about it
but it’s the truth and it can get kind of annoying to others too. Always being depressed when you’re around
other friends is a huge turn-off causing those that care about you not wanting
to spend that much time with you because let’s face it: no one like a Debbie
Downer.
So
what do you do when everything is all topsy-turvy in your life and you feel
like there’s no way out of the mess that you find yourself in? Well, it’s been my experience in my personal
life that when life spits in your face, you have a few options: Lie down and start waving the white flag or
stand up, swallow a big boy/girl pill, grow a set and do your work to get on
track again. One of my favorite Life
Coaches and inspirational speakers is Iyanla Vanzant, who has a show on the OWN
Network called Fix My Life. The show is about people who have their lives
in turmoil for one reason or another and Iyanla goes in for a few days, helps
people by listening and offering advice as well as exercises to help open up
old wounds and reveal truths behind what they’re hiding from. But have you ever thought about what a Life
Coach actually does? A Life Coach is there
to act as a guide of sorts; people that direct aspects of your life that aren’t
so good and point them into a direction that helps you make positive
steps. They are like what a Spirit Guide
is to a Medium or what a Coach is to an Athlete. Usually Life Coaches get into the job they’re
in because of their life experiences.
For Ms. Vanzant, she lost her daughter to cancer on Christmas Day in
2003, also lost her marriage to her husband in 2002. She had to pick up the pieces and start all
over again. Needless to say, she did the
footwork, got in the trenches of her crazy mixed up life and grabbed for some
semblance of normalcy and won. Today,
she helps millions of people by offering advice and life lessons that anyone
can benefit from; you just have to be open enough and willing to take the risk
the benefit from the gift that it being offered to you. In the most recent past, I’ve thought about
being a life coach. I’d certainly have a
lot to draw on for people but the thought crossed my mind, “Do I really need to
have a certificate to be a life coach?”
When it comes down to it, isn’t all that a life coach is is nothing more
than being a friend? We all have those
friends that we open up to more about personal issues than others. It’s usually the ones who take the time to
sit and just listen; those people who are non-judgmental and care about you
best interest. These people are often
very genuine in their personality and just basically ‘good people’. I’m the type of person that is happy when
others’ are happy and at their best. My philosophy
on life is that your time here is way too short to be burdened by despair so
sing a song and be happy. I also tend to
put other before myself; a fault which I am working on constantly. As my friend and one of my ‘counselors’ Ryan
pointed out a few weeks ago as we sat outside of Starbucks drinking our lattes
when I said that I’m tired of being the ‘fixer’ all of the time. To this he said two words in response, “STOP
IT then!” Ryan is a very
straight-forward type of guy and I admire that about him. He’s also a very good listener as well who
has a lot of experiences in his own life than he can draw wisdom and
inspiration from to aid others in their own problems. It’s funny but even now as I’m typing this, he
and I are more alike than I thought in how we think and some of the experiences
that we've had. People who are deemed ‘fixers’
in life rarely have the chance to have their own problems and issues heard by
someone else. Probably because everyone
figures that you know what you’re doing, have very little problems or stress
and if you do, you can handle it on your own.
It’s times like these that I am thankful for friends like Ryan in my
life, so I consider this one of my many blessingsJ 
I
have the greatest family; the kind that would go out of their way to make you
feel welcome, loved and accepted at all costs.
The older I get, the more appreciative I am of their company. It stinks that we often don’t learn this
lesson until we are adults and for some, this lesson is never learned or it has
been neglected. I don’t think there is
one time in my life that my family has been supportive of a decision that I've made or helped me get on the right track.
Sure, we fight, bicker back and forth like any other family does but at
the end of the day, we love each other and that’s what matters the most. And
then there are those friends who are basically an extension of your family; we
all have those too. I've been blessed with not only a great and awesome family,
but wonderful friends that would go out of their way to help you when you need
it and also be there for the good times too.
The people you work with are usually an example of one of your families
and I've have the opportunity to work with some of the best. I honestly don’t know if I would still be
working where I currently am if it wasn't for the people I interact with on a
daily basis. At my job we are on teams
for each of the individual classrooms that makeup the day school and I think my
team is one of the best. If you ask
anybody who works with children, anybody who does it well anyway, how do you
connect with them? My personal answer
would be to act like child yourself and that’s basically my team in a
nutshell. We’re just all big kids! And it works to our benefit too. Being the youngest professional on the team
(Youngest…..that has a nice ring to it
One
blessing that I've left out and is probably one of the biggest and most important of all is my
5-year old niece, Addison. From the
minute she was born, my outlook on life has never been the same…in a good
way. It’s funny how introducing a child
into the mix will do that to people. She’s
taught me so much discipline and knowing what’s important in life. As her Uncle and Godfather, I can only wish
that as she grows older, she is able to come to me if she ever has any problems
or questions about anything in life that she is thinking about. I want to help her grow and understand that
she is fully capable of accomplishing great things in her lifetime but she can’t
do it all on her own. I wish her all the
things that I wish for myself; health, happiness and love for a lifetime!
What
blessings do you have? Do you recognize
the fact that they’re there or do you just go on about your life neglecting to
take stock in all the richness and fulfilling things that you should be
grateful for in life? Life is tough, but
it’s the minuscule things every day that makes life worth living. Finding the saccharin qualities in things
like a quiet moment to yourself or hearing the laughter of a child that makes
life bearable in our darkest moments of existence. Whatever your reasons are or how you get
through a day is very individualistic but it’s important to take time to do a self-re-evaluation
and take stock of the things that you’re thankful for. It may also allow you to see the things that
you need to work on as well, bringing some areas of your life open to positive
changes that have greater effect on your friends, family and co-workers.
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